Friday, August 8, 2014

I'm A Sick Bitch!

Ok yes I've got a sick sense of humor, but last week I was literally a sick bitch.  As you can see above my dog Simon had sympathy pains for Mama :)  I've been boxing this cold with meds, fluids and every homeopathic option under the sun and this motherfucker is taking it's time getting out of my body.  However while being sick, it's definitely made me think how annoying us sick people can be, sorry. As well, some remedies that have worked for me.  So here's some tips to rock the yuckie without giving a fuckie. haha

1) If you're sick...stay the fuck home. Don't try to "rally" and show up at every social event. No one wants to be social with the person coughing shit up. I don't want  a high five from the red nosed sicko who just sneezed a sinus infection into their hand. Take advantage of this time to live in that cozy bathrobe or those strip club thin sweat pants.
2) Get down with tea bagging! Yep tea bag yourself multiple times a day when you're sick.  Add some sweet honey and ginger to help with throat and nose congestion. Green tea has secret magical Chinese healing powers, so drink that!

3) Suck it!  Stop talking. No one wants to hear for the 10th time you don't feel good, so put a cough drop in your mouth.  My favorite brand is Ricola because they're all natural with health inducing herbs which means you're not putting man made bullshit into your already sick body.

4) Roofie yourself. Okay, not the actual street version of a roofie but the second best choice you've got at CVS that will kick your ass is... Nyquil! Hope you trust your roommates because you're about to be knocked into a deep sleep and not even a sharpie all over your face or a hand in warm water making you piss will wake you up. Tuck yourself in and get ready for some f*cked up dreams in Nyquil land. But that deep sleep will do you good.

5) In my opinion when you start to turn a corner and your snot has changed seasons (green to yellow to clear) it's ok to share this snot art with whoever is lucky enough to be in your company.  This might be the only bright side to being sick all week so you gotta entertain yourself somehow.

6) Medicine doesn't taste good, get over it.  Then again many things don't taste good but we still put them in our mouths because it will make you feel a certain way or get the outcome that you want. So with all things, just take it like a champ, it will all be worth it in the end.

7) It's nice we have friends checking in on us.  It's also super annoying we have friends checking in on us.  Yes I'm still sick, yes it still hurts to talk, yes I'll call you when I'm better which means leave me the fuck alone to just heal in peace over here.

Tweet me at @JillAnenberg and share your remedies or sick pet peeves with me!

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