Friday, August 22, 2014

Makin' the Drought SEXY

Usually when things are dried up they are not sexy.  But with California's current drought, of course I've got a few ideas how we can remedy the situation while making it appealing and fun.

Hop in the shower with your lover. No need to waste the water twice if you can get dirty and clean together. And yep have sex in there too! No need to make a mess on the sheets and waste a load of water- washing them sooner than necessary. 

There's so many little things we can do to save water, we might not even notice it's on and running.  Turn it off while brushing your teeth and do some squats  instead... tighten that ass while you're whitening your teeth.

Same for the dishes.  Fill up the sink with hot sudsy water so your dirty plates can have a "get clean" orgi. After they've bonded do a quick rinse and don't cover them with a towel but let them air dry au natural.

Ok this one might not be sexy...but my rule "If it's yellow it's mellow." No need to flush the toilet for every piss.  It takes almost 7 gallons of water.  Plus if you don't flush in the middle of the night you're not waking up your honey and that's sexy letting them sleep.  Especially if they're in the middle of a hot dream...but not so hot that you have to change the sheets!

This brings me to the topic of full loads. Nothing hot about a weak small load...ok I'm talking about cleaning. Make sure to pack that baby full of dirty laundry or the dishwasher to capacity to utilize the water used.

Have any sexy drought tips to share? I'd love to hear them.
Tweet me at: @JillAnenberg

Friday, August 8, 2014

I'm A Sick Bitch!

Ok yes I've got a sick sense of humor, but last week I was literally a sick bitch.  As you can see above my dog Simon had sympathy pains for Mama :)  I've been boxing this cold with meds, fluids and every homeopathic option under the sun and this motherfucker is taking it's time getting out of my body.  However while being sick, it's definitely made me think how annoying us sick people can be, sorry. As well, some remedies that have worked for me.  So here's some tips to rock the yuckie without giving a fuckie. haha

1) If you're sick...stay the fuck home. Don't try to "rally" and show up at every social event. No one wants to be social with the person coughing shit up. I don't want  a high five from the red nosed sicko who just sneezed a sinus infection into their hand. Take advantage of this time to live in that cozy bathrobe or those strip club thin sweat pants.
2) Get down with tea bagging! Yep tea bag yourself multiple times a day when you're sick.  Add some sweet honey and ginger to help with throat and nose congestion. Green tea has secret magical Chinese healing powers, so drink that!

3) Suck it!  Stop talking. No one wants to hear for the 10th time you don't feel good, so put a cough drop in your mouth.  My favorite brand is Ricola because they're all natural with health inducing herbs which means you're not putting man made bullshit into your already sick body.

4) Roofie yourself. Okay, not the actual street version of a roofie but the second best choice you've got at CVS that will kick your ass is... Nyquil! Hope you trust your roommates because you're about to be knocked into a deep sleep and not even a sharpie all over your face or a hand in warm water making you piss will wake you up. Tuck yourself in and get ready for some f*cked up dreams in Nyquil land. But that deep sleep will do you good.

5) In my opinion when you start to turn a corner and your snot has changed seasons (green to yellow to clear) it's ok to share this snot art with whoever is lucky enough to be in your company.  This might be the only bright side to being sick all week so you gotta entertain yourself somehow.

6) Medicine doesn't taste good, get over it.  Then again many things don't taste good but we still put them in our mouths because it will make you feel a certain way or get the outcome that you want. So with all things, just take it like a champ, it will all be worth it in the end.

7) It's nice we have friends checking in on us.  It's also super annoying we have friends checking in on us.  Yes I'm still sick, yes it still hurts to talk, yes I'll call you when I'm better which means leave me the fuck alone to just heal in peace over here.

Tweet me at @JillAnenberg and share your remedies or sick pet peeves with me!