Friday, February 28, 2014

Jackass Jaywalkers!

I am totally down for breaking rules and getting away with breaking the law but if you're jay walking...don't jaywalk like a jackass.  I would think most people would agree it's super annoying when someone is walking ridiculously slow across the street when you as the driver have a green light.  Sometimes I give a little honk to remind them I'm that dick behind the 5,000 pound vehicle that would win in a collision with their body.

Occasionally I'll speed up just to make them pick up the pace and run that last 8 feet to the curb.  These lazy walkers gotta know you mean business and the road doesn't belong to them.  Believe me, when you accelerate they will too.

There's gotta be some law against walking and texting combined with jaywalking.  This asshole is paying more attention to a text message that's most likely a chick canceling his date invite. Meanwhile the only thing getting rear ended is him!

There's only one exception to the jaywalking "rules" and that's cute little animal families crossing at their leisure. Animals will always have carte blanche for everything in life in my book. Let's be honest, they're just better than humans most times.

Do you break or speed up for jaywalkers? Tweet me at @JillAnenberg

Friday, February 21, 2014

The Damn Phone!

It felt like the time had come to list a few ground rules for Phone Etiquette.  Obviously I'm not the most proper fucking person, but I get life and how people should be treated. nice people should be treated. If you're an asshole that's a whole other set of rules, starting with go fuck yourself.

 -Skimming Your Twitter feed for friends you don't even know when your real friend is sitting with you at lunch is rude.

 -If a friend calls you and the phone cuts out, let the person who initiated the phone call, call back. So you're both not trying to call each other & cancel out the call like assholes.

-Call once. Leave a  message. Don't call back again immediately or even that day. You already left a damn message. When the person is available they'll call your ass back. Or not if they hate you. If that's the case, again don't call back or text asking if we got the message.  Obviously by the silence you're not getting the message.

-Your phone doesn't have to be an extension of your hand.  You're not that busy or cool that you're constantly fielding texts and calls, put it away.

-If there's more than one quick question to be asked make a phone call like an adult and have a brief conversation instead of sending 25 texts messages.

-This last one seems obvious, but it's not to inconsiderate douchbags. When you're in public lower your voice. No one wants to hear your failed hook up story!

Love to hear your phone pet peeves too! Tweet them to me @jillanenberg

Friday, February 7, 2014

Vday BS & SexTalk

With Valentine's Day... you can feel the sexual energy in the air.  Sensing the desperation for a date from the single girls and the douchy aggressiveness from the guys who are trying to shoot their arrow through Cupid's heart. Personally I think this is a bullshit holiday.  We all feel obligated to be romantic, overspend on flowers and dress in lingerie.  I bet this is the one day of the year that bikini waxers really rake in the cash!

"Here's a box of let me get to your creamy center."

Valentine's Day is inherently one of those holidays where sex is implied with the date invite.  He may be taking you out to dinner but you're serving up the dessert sistah!  I love seeing a group of girls out on Valentine's day rocking their single status...or possibly dining each other before crossing a lesbo experience off their "fuck it" list.

I went to the Beverly Hills Senior Center to ask our elders what they think of sex and you won't believe their answers!  Click on the video below!

                            HAPPY VALENTINE'S. Sending hugs and kisses. XOXO