Friday, January 31, 2014

Bachelor Weddings...good luck!

Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici chose a wedding theme as odd as it was stupid!  "Grown Sexy" ... and this theme confused everyone!

Keep in mind, this dude's a born again Virgin. So of course he agrees with his bride, Sean doesn't want to say anything to jeopardize crackin' open his little fortune cookie!

Watching one single tear drip down a man's face is #grownsexy...watching him walk down the aisle bawling like a little bitch is just pathetic #growndry

Sean had Catherine baptized by his Pastor weeks before the she religious or he just wanted her to get comfortable being sprayed in the face?
To watch a bunch of these jokes and more, check out this week's comedic Episode of "#SayWhat?!"
Click the video below!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Brady the Baby!

So Tom Brady admitted he's not gonna be watching the Super Bowl on Sunday because he says those games are hard to watch. I get it...but man you're going home to a're literally going to mount your trophy!

Word on the street... Tom Brady will be watching his lady's ass instead of the Superbowl this year.  Well Tom, that makes two of us.  What's your Instagram name again? 
He might not be calling plays in the Super Bowl, but guaranteed he's scoring on that tight end!  But sadly, she'll be using his tears as lube.  

Watching the Super Bowl after your team came up one game short- is like the runner up in “The Bachelor” watching the beautiful proposal...and instead of a victory dance you gotta watch him pound her while she holds the final rose.

Hey Tom...I don't blame you...I actually don't watch the game's all about 
The Puppy Bowl #TooCute!

                   What do you guys think of his comments? Tweet me @jillanenberg

Monday, January 27, 2014

WTF News!

Here's a name that will make you shiver...Nadya Suleman AKA Octomom! Back in the news this week with fraud.  She didn't report the earnings on her disgusting masturbation porn and now she's caught pink handed!  She had previously said she'd never do porn...or was it that no porn star would ever agree to lose his dick in her huge gaping hole!?

If you are curious or want to gross out a friend, a trailer's been released by Wicked Pictures titled, "Octomom- Home Alone"...and believe me after watching it, that's the face you'll be making!
So what's up next for the Mom of 14? Just a classy stripper gig ! She said the experience was, "the best, most powerful and most liberating thing I've ever done." I can relate. That's how I feel about my college degree.
Now as if that wasn't bad enough we learned a nun in Italy got knocked up and didn't even know she was pregnant.  Likely story slut!  A whole pizza might give you gas pains- for the night...but taking down an entire Italian sausage...yeah that will give you a baby!

Ironically the way she got herself into this problem is the way she'll get out. Back on your knees sister but this time, repent!

I'd like to see if the new Nun Mother will turn her titty milk into wine.

Stay tuned for the Nun's premiere on TLC's "I didn't know I was pregnant."
Check out this week's "#SayWhat?" Episode for more inappropriate jokes in action!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Seductive Stripper's!

Oh strippers...everyone loves a sexy body disrobing and thrusting at you!  I'm getting ready for a bachelorette party and we are taking the bride to be to a male review show.  It made me think about the differences between the two genders and upcoming parties.

While all the girls are collecting penis paraphernalia to decorate, wear and drink out on the other hand just don't do that.  You'd never see a dude at his Bachelor party wearing a huge vagina hat or a whistle around his neck in the shape of tits, if he did that whistle would be blown all night.  Kinda makes me want to start a side business!
The Bachelor party is going to a strip club where we all know exactly what happens.  Us girls are going to a male review show that's more for the comedy of the show than gettin' our panties wet.

Strip clubs = boners
Male review = funny

While the men are rocking sweatpants enjoying lap dances in the Champagne room the girls are screaming and laughing at the men jingling their junk with bare asses exposed. Ironically, even if the silly ladies threw in an extra few bills, most of these men aren't even interested in doing more that what's choreographed in the show to them.  At the end of the night the chicks pass out in their "suck for a buck" tanks with glow in the dark dicks hanging from a veil...maybe even have a sex dream.  Our homies walk out of that club ready to bang anything in the 4-10 hotness scale range or even might have gotten their business taken care of by Mercedes and have glitter and a cum stain as a souvenir.

Tweet me the difference that makes you laugh the most! @JillAnenberg

Friday, January 3, 2014

Don't be the Whale on Vacation!

Believe me, when I'm on vacation I definitely want to enjoy everything...especially the local cuisine. My Grandfather used to say, "If you go on a trip and don't gain weight, you didn't have a good time."  I love that.  But I also think vacation's have so many built in calorie torching activities that you can trick yourself into thinking you're just having fun, but burning off all the shit you've been eating.

I've been in Cancun Mexico eating like a fatty but exercising in tourist ways.  We are staying by the water where there are a ton of water sports and activities.  We've been snorkeling, paddle boarding, jet skiing and even kayaking! All of these sports use a ton of upper body strength, some cardio and core.

Hotels love to offer opportunities to do workouts in unique places.  Salsa dancing on the pool deck and yoga on the beach or even on the paddle board.  You'll forget you are working out while shaking your ass to the latin beats. And who doesn't enjoy the benefits of a limber body after yoga. 

Sometimes the weather might not permit outdoor activities. 

Well you know where my mind goes...who needs to wait until turn down to hop into bed.  There's nothing better than hotel sex.  It doesn't matter how you get your heart rate up, just get it up there.  Bon Voyage vacation calories!

Tweet me your favorite vacation activities at @jillanenberg