Friday, July 26, 2013

Dumb Ass Words

There are many words that are over used or shouldn't be said ever again.  Delicious should be reserved for food not how your infant is.  Don't refer to your child as "Oh he's just delicious" unless you're planning on eating him, gross I know!

I literally want to punch the fools who overuse literally! This word is used to express a realistic degree of accuracy not describe how literally verbally depleted you are.

Ridonkulous...really people say this! What does this word even mean?  I wanna shove this word up their ass and give them something to find ridiculous.

"Omg this is totes amazeballs."
Again, a hanging by your balls would totes be a suitable punishment for abusing this ridonkulous word.  Most of the time we reference something as amazing, it's barely cool not nearly amazeballs.

We over use the word 'obsessed" and "to die for".  Are you truly "obsessed" with YOUR stupid ass drink from Starbucks.  You would end your life for one more cup of coffee with a pump of hazelnut.  Did your obsession lead you to tattoo this cup of Jo on your forehead, change your last name to Jo and camp out in front of Starbucks til they open at 5:30am?

When did we become so short on time that every dumb ass word now needs to be shortened. Obvi, fab, jelly (for jealous- this is the worst), adorbs...this list could go on but I've gotta go bc of my busy sched ;)

Tweet me your favorite words or phrases to hate at: @jillanenberg

Friday, July 19, 2013

Slightly Offensive!

We all enjoy a good laugh and one of my favorite deliveries is through memes and ecards.  Most of them are a bit raunchy or malicious and that's my favorite part.  You aren't the one behind the mean idea, just passing along the humor of it.  Many of them are relatable, might teach something or are just plain entertaining. 

Here's a few of my favorites.

Send me one of your favorites to @jillanenberg

Friday, July 12, 2013

Stuff it Chatty Cathy!

Worse than nails on a chalk board, the incessant whine and chatter of a person who doesn't get social cues to shut the fuck up.  I'm all for good conversation but I have no patience when someone's been running their mouth consistently without realizing they haven't come up for air.  All I want to do is block their airwaves so there's no air to come up for!

This bitch not only won't shut the hell up but also has no clue what's she's blabbering about.  For some reason they also enjoy beating the nonsense points as much as you'd like to beat them.

Don't ever expect to have a relaxing, quiet time together bc they won't close that trap, ever!  Not even while eating or drinking, shit keeps flowing out of their mouth even more annoyingly showing what they're eating.  Oh please choke on it and stop talking forever.

The only advice I have is to learn to block them out of your mind and ears. We all know not acknowledging does nothing, those lips keep on flapping.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Hangover Hell Cures

With a fun fourth of July yesterday, I'm sure the only fireworks exploding aren't just in the sky.  Battling a narly hangover sometimes makes you question if the jello shots, beer bongs or just polishing off many bottles of wine was worth it.  A good time and awesome memories are worth it when you've got some killer hangover cures.

One of the best preventative techniques is simply chug lots of water and make sure you dig into the BBQ and snacks. Alcohol not only diminishes your inhibitions (love watching this happen!) but depletes your body of water, 1 liter for every 4 drinks...and you know you're having way more than that.
We've all heard exercise and a cold shower help sober you up and kick a hangover, it is actually true.  So roll over your one night stand and insist that morning sex and a sudsy rinse are a requirement to start the day off right.

The best cure is time.  It takes roughly an hour and a half to eliminate each glass of alcohol.  Do I hear a Mad Men marathon?!  Or you could keep the theme and watch every installment of "The Hangover" movies while drinking Bloody Mary's (the sugar helps metabolize the alcohol) or Banana-Honey Milkshakes (banana calms your tummy & provides electrolytes and honey increases your blood sugar levels). Whatever you choose to do, hope your drunk ass feels better! Cheers or enjoy your nap.