Friday, May 31, 2013

Life's a Joke :)

Looking around my house today, I noticed I have lots of fun silly things.  When I got married however, some of the more inappropriate "silly" things saw their way to a garage sale.  Yeah, we attracted some perverts to that table.  Anyways, these silly things make me laugh when I'm having a bad day.  They also remind me that life is a joke.  There will always be ups and downs, but the common thread for both of those emotions is laughter.

This is my fucking piggy bank.  A friend gifted it to me as a gag gift many years ago but I've been using it as the real thing ever since.  I had to beg my husband to let me keep it.  The bottom pig gets the quarters and the top gets the nickels and dimes.

This is Terry the Tourettes Turtle.  As you walk by him he spurts out tasteless comments and profanities, which of course make me laugh.  He says 25 different phrases so you're bound to learn something new when you come over to my house!  Here's a funny promo video to get an idea of his rants.  I won't be surprised when you tell me your house is equipped with your very own Terry turtle too!

I like to put pictures on my fridge and what better way to display them than with ridiculous magnets.  Here's a collection of a few favorites!

Have a great weekend! Treat yourself to something silly that will keep you laughing and remind you it's not all that serious. Tweet me your funny stuff! @jillanenberg

Friday, May 24, 2013

Yoga Retreat Ridiculousness!!

Calm, quiet and centered didn't last long on a yoga retreat of just women last weekend.  There were dirty jokes about yoga positions that could be interpreted in a sexual way and even sound effects to go with it.

Sure most people assume it's a mellow weekend drinking tea, comparing vegetarian recipes and braiding hair.  Nope not this retreat with Shanti Shanti Yoga! These were some of the funnest girls I've had the pleasure to meet and instructors Samantha Gallo and Alexis Kemp maintained the perfect balance of a respectful yoga practice with plenty of raunchy innuendos to accompany a boring down dog.

The first fart came on Friday made my night! I was the first to laugh and follow in her gas releasing foot steps.  I love the assumption most guys have of nice young ladies chatting about appropriate subjects because we absolutely shattered that with yours truly being the ring leader.  It seemed there was no topic off topic and it made the idea of a judgement free weekend exceptionally nice when thoughts didn't have to be filtered.  Treat yourself to a yoga class and laugh your way to a limber weekend. Your partner will thank you :) 
 Tweet me your favorite yoga position! @jillanenberg  
Mine is bird of paradise and any arm balancing pose!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Red Carpet FUN!

When people think about red carpet interviews- style, class and appropriate questions come to mind. Not to my "Jill thinks like Jack" silly mind.  I want to know the good stuff others are embarrassed to ask, you tempt me with a free punch and I'll show you my cross.  Just because I shaved my legs and put on some heels doesn't mean the desire to speak my mind is removed.  If anything, it is enhanced because it's not expected and I'm all about shock factor.

Who are your favorite celebrities to get interviewed on the carpet?  Not because of what they wear but because of what they say! I remember the celebs and people that made me laugh, not so much the dresses that forced them to starve for the day and provide cranky personalities.  Tweet me @jillanenberg and let me know!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Hooters for Mom!

After all those years of Mom lending you her hooters, what better way to thank her than by taking her to eat at a restaurant with waitresses flaunting their much younger, perkier tits in her face!  Hooters Restaurant believes the best way to show Mom appreciation on Mother's Day is treating her to dinner  here...oh wait you don't even have to buy it.  Show Mom she raised you right and what a cheap perv you grew up to be.

If Mom wants a grandchild as a gift her son can bang a waitress in the bathroom and be back to the table for the free wings.  Uh and no, that's not ranch dressing on her chest.

It's always nice to treat Mom to a meal where Dad would rather be porking the waitress and the daughter finds a new role model.

Conan made sense of this offer, "Think about it, giving your Mom a free meal at Hooters is only fair, because think of all those free meals from hooters she gave you."
Ha, love you Conan!

HaPpY MoThErs DaY!

Friday, May 3, 2013

DWTS- Sexy Time!

Is it just me or are the dancers on DWTS hotter than ever!? They really should pose for playboy! Their bodies are lean, muscular and perfectly spray tanned.  The women look strong & sexy instead of bone thin like they'll break in a dip. The men are ripped and even though their bodies move gracefully and they have less hair on their chest than a Kardashian, somehow they've managed to make those moves still come across manly! Panty droppers!

Of course they can get celebrities, and I say that loosely, to dance their've got a 10 out of 10 dance pro gyrating on you!  I truly wonder who's tappin' their partners ass off the dance floor.  After spending that many hours pressed up against each other sweating and dancing, you could almost be convinced that you've already done, 
"just the tip!"

Who's your favorite celebrity on this Season and favorite dancer? I'd love to know who's dancing in your dreams at night! ;)  Tweet me at @jillanenberg