Friday, February 22, 2013

Lovin' Animal Style!

Of all the ridiculous Hallmark holidays, this one has to be my favorite! The actual date was on Wed, Feb. 20th...but Happy National Pet Day! We can celebrate the happiness these fur balls bring us everyday of the year.  Love Your Pet Day gives you the chance to give your dog that walk you promised- hey let him pee on every tree, give your turtle some extra vegi's, or if you've got a rat bc they're awesome hook him up with some cheese!

The reason behind this holiday is actually pretty sad, 16000 pets die in US Shelters every day. Think of the money you can donate to help out these orphaned pets.  Instead of buying a $5 latte, it's f@cking espresso and steamed milk c'mon! Or a round of drinks trying to be cool for everyone at the bar, toss some money to the pussycats at the Shelters.  It's not their fault they had a slutty cat Mom or their Dad was a horny dog.  I don't think we're at the point and I never want to be there, doggy condoms and birth control.  We just gotta clip their balls and tie some tubes to prevent the over population of furry babies. Believe me, if I could adopt them all I would.

Most households in the US have at least one pet.  33% own a cat and 39% own one dog.  Yours truly has 2 dogs and a cat!  The dream... a farm and lots of rescue dogs and a cat that has kittens, oh and a bird that I teach dirty words and a rat. Sorry hun!  Let's be honest, at some point we all get sick of our friends, animals provide the best companionship, don't talk shit behind your back and are known to decrease stress. Save a rescue pet, or as they say, "Let a rescue pet save you."

Friday, February 15, 2013

Deez Nuts in Yo Mouth!

Nuts! Take em' by the handful, keep a sack in your purse for emergency snacking... pop a couple salty ones in your mouth!  I'm all for healthy eating, and even more for eating a food that has dirty inuendo's!  "Stash deez nuts in yo' cheeks til you're ready to swallow." Let's get nutty today!

Aside from lowering your cholesterol, filling you up with tons of vitamins & minerals and fighting that bitch cancer, nuts my friends are the good kind of fat!  No more feelings of guilt for loving the fatty hard nut.  You can reap the benefits whether it's beat to a cream, grinded to a powder or just cracked right out of it's shell.

Here's a few fun nut jokes because I love em!


"Why do squirrels swim on their backs?... To keep their nuts dry!"

"How is a gold digger just like peanut butter? ... They spread for the bread!"

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? ...I can't peanut butter my junk down your throat!"

Friday, February 8, 2013


A nasty spill, tumbling down a flight of stairs or a Grandma tripping over a crack in the pavement, we all can't help but laugh.  These are special moments that make the days go by with a little some one else's expense.  Now this might be messed up, but the more embarrassed they are, the funnier it is to the person who sees it.

It's customary to hold your laughter until you know for sure they're ok, but I can't always do that.  I can barely talk I'm laughing so hard to even mutter the words, "You Alright?"  I even love when I personally take a fall.  Last weekend I ate shit skiing and took a spill & slid face first down the mountain having a laughing attack.  I looked up and saw the people in the lift above me cracking, it made me happy.

Here's a video of a montage of great falls to make your day!  I'd say "Watch your step" but I'd rather see you fall :)